Tilt Table Test

Well, I usually write my professional-leaning pieces here, but I figured this is a good spot for this particular post.

Many friends of mine know well, by now, that I am prone to frequent black outs... Or so I believed. I went to St. Francis Hospital on Thursday (December 5, 2008) at 6 am to get a tilt-table test. I walked in confident that they wouldn't find anything. As I walked into the back room with a very kind and caring nurse, I found myself starting to sweat. I removed my clothes and got into a gown.

After several minutes of answering preliminary questions, it was nearing 6:45. The nurse began to attach electrodes all over my body. This was no shock, as a few friends know, I have done this several times. Everything seemed peachy as I lied on the table.

At about 7 am, it was time for what I was terrified of... The IV. While I have received countless IVs in the past, for some reason or another, I was particularly horrified of this one. In fact, when I passed out this past fall, I received 5 total (four failed attempts by the paramedics, one successful by a St. Francis nurse). So, it began, I felt the needle enter the back of my hand. I lied there, wincing in fear, though... there was no real pain, nothing more than a small bee sting. I had noticed that my heart rate went from a comfortable 54, and peaked at 104 when the needle was lying next to me. Anyway, the first attempt failed because of my nerves. So, we had to try one more time. It was equally horrific to me, but even less pain this time. I knew it didn't hurt, but for some reason my nerves just escalated and I began shaking violently. The nurse talked me down, and my heart rate dropped back to about 68.

Five to seven minutes had passed since the IV experience. I know this because I was wearing a blood pressure band on my arm that inflated and measured me every five minutes automatically. For some reason, unknown to me, things began to get very strange. The room seemed to dim, and the lights started flickering.

Then next thing I know, I'm experiencing the most surreal thing I can fathom. In fact, I still cannot fathom it. If you have ever had a dream that you were murdered violently, and that everyone you've ever cared about was being slowly slaughtered and tortured before your eyes, then multiply it by 10. While I can't say I saw those things, I did interpret them from what I did see. It was extremely similar to the images you see when you play a song on iTunes or Windows Media Player visualizations. I could feel colors, I could taste sounds, and pain was everything. The next thing I know is that I hear my own gasping scream and then I see the ceiling of the room.

"JKDHFkjhdf;lksjdL:Kds;lkjgsklaLKJ"

That is what my thought process was for several minutes. I didn't know what I was, or what anything was for that matter. I didn't know what being alive was, what human life was. Try to imagine being born, but having the brain function of a 20 year old male. Eventually, I remembered I was a person, but whether I was a boy, girl, baby, or adult, was an entirely different story. I tried to speak, but it was gibberish. Minutes passed as I continued to cry and yell. Next thing I remembered was my name, and now my thought process became, "Where the hell am I? Who are you!? Why am I strapped to a table, and why am I naked with electrodes strapped to my body?" It was much less calm than that. I wondered if all the visions had been real, and had I been subject to experimentation? Eventually, everything came back to me, I knew exactly where I was and why. The nurse then informed me I had suffered a grand mal seizure. She told me my body had become stiff and I arched my back so far as to lift my body from the table. This was followed by convulsions. I would have never been the wiser.

The only remnant from this seizure was extreme nausea unlike any I've ever known... well, except for the other times I had "passed out" (I now know were small seizures).

An hour later, it happened again, and the only environmental or physical changed was that I had been moved upright on the table. I was at a 70 degree angle from the ground, almost standing straight up, but hanging slightly. My legs had never felt so weak or useless, but I was trying to make it. Seconds felt like hours, and the test required me to be in that position for 30 minutes. I started to cry again, but didn't know why. I yelled at the nurse and the doctor, telling them I was about to vomit. As soon as the bucket was up to my face, I was gone.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on the table, but the table was upside down. It was another seizure, not quite as scary, but I had emptied my bowels. Talk about embarrassing.

The reason I wrote this is not for "poor me" attention, but for awareness. These seizures are a scary, violent, and painful experience. I don't know that I am epileptic, or what, but if you yourself suffer from them, I am so sorry, because mine are so minute and insignificant compared to most.

Thank you.